Warning: I talk about my thoughts of wanting to kill myself in here so if you dont want to read that skip the third paragraph. i dont talk about that in the others.
Hello. So my birthay was on June 7. It was nice. I had omori cake and i ate it with my friends. It was nice. I like running. Sadly i dont have much stamina so i get tired really fast. But i can run very fast. But i have to do it without stopping to keep my speed and if i stop it will take me a while to be able to run that fast again.
Ive accepted that im defective. I have many flaws. Im obssessive, impulsive, annoying, I have trouble knowing peoples emotions, I cant do what people call "reading the room", im bad at communicating with people, I dont know how to get closer to people, it always feels like theres some barrier between me and others, I always end up doing something stupid that causes people to dislike me and i could probably keep going. A funny comparission that a friend made is with me and a robot. Maybe its because of my blank face or my monotonus voice or how i seem to have a lot of knowledge. i find it funny cause it was something like "What if Kris is a robot" (but with my legal name cause i havent come out to them or to anyone in real life really). and then it followed with "should i touch their eye?" (again those arent the pronouns they used but this is my space where i dont want to reffer myself as a girl). Maybe the comparission is because I barely talk or my odd behavior. That moment has stuck out with me.
I wonder if I will ever stop having thoughts about wanting to kill myself. I have them less now but they never really dissapear. The thought of "what if i just stabbed myself in a bathroom stall at school. It wouldnt bother anyone until the school day is over" or "I colud just hit my head against the wall until i eventually die". Oh so many ways Ive thought. I guess ill just accept it as something that will be there forever. Ive tried therapy before but as i said before im not good at communicating with people so it doesnt work since i have to actually talk. Now that i think of it this site is like therapy for me. What i miserable person i am.
On some things im exited about theres sonic superstars, persona 3 reload, undertale/deltarune newsletter and sonic prime season 2.
Really hope persona 3 reload ends up being good so i can introduce my friends to persona 3. Its a game really special to me.
On the undertale/deltarune newsletter I forgot before that summer doesnt start until june 21 I think? Oh Toby Fox made music for the trailer of a farming game wich i forgot its name. As always Toby´s music never fails to make me feel something.
I will now put some of my favorite quotes from toby fox from the famitsu magazine to cheer things up a bit after that depressing part.
Well bye.
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