Hello!!!! Today Im feeling better that other times Ive written here. Ill be finishing this school year soon and my birthday is in 12 days!! june 7! Ive been having some kind of therapy with my aunt which probably isnt ideal to have a family member be your therapist but for being a family member she charges me less and I wouldnt be able to afford any other therapist. Ive only gone 2 times so I cant really tell if theres progress at this point but i hope there is progress eventually. I went to therapy that was focused on academic stuff in elementary but it never worked. Anyways on more happier news my aunt gifted me house md and csi dvds as an early birthday gift!!!!! needless to say i was trilled!!!
Ive made a lot of friends in this year. 10!!! Thats a new record for me!! And ive finally made my first best friend as in she considers me her best friend and i consider her my best friend!!!! Its my first time having a mutual best friendship. Im finally not a secondary friend!!!! Ive realized that having friends know that im autistic makes friendship a lot easier. in general school has been a lot easier since I was dignosed which was 3 years ago. While i still get made fun of the classmates that dont make fun of me know that they may have to communicate diffrently with me. As with friendship the group of friends i have now explains to me concepts of socializing that i dont understand. For example they explained to me why staring directly at someone is considered rude if they arent interacting with you and explain how indirect comunication works. which i still dont understand how to tell when someone is flirting or just being friendly but i guess theres not really a way to know for sure without asking but im way too shy to ask things like that. It is complicated that most of communication is based on feelings and vibes cause theres not really a way to verify that. I wonder if the friends i had in elementary cared when i talked adout what i read in science magazines. I do remember reading in one magazine about aspergers syndrome and relating to what it said about it but i just continued with my life. It feels conflicting to have interest in science and art at the same time and not knowing which career pursue first. about science i would probably choose medicine because the medical aspect interests me but the human aspect not to much so could i be good with patients? Im too blunt most of the time and people going trough hard times with their health might not apreciate that. On the pros i have that it would have my dad happy, i would be very interested in what i learn, would probably be a more stable career than art, but what is i lose my artistic skills due to having less time to do creative things? what if im bad with being sensitive with the patients? I mean there are a lot of bad doctors that have work anyways but i wouldnt want to be one of those bad doctors. as with art there are less ways to be bad at art as its subjective. but getting work is really hard and i would need to have multiple jobs at the same time to pay my necesities. Both medicine and art are fields where there are already too many people but what career isnt? At least i still have some time to think about what i want to do first.
I often worry about how I will live when i become an adult or if ill even be able to live. im definitely living with a roomate not only because of costs but also because i need someone to remember to me that i need to take care of myself. i often forget things like eating so i definitely will need to live with someone and i dont want to live with my parents for the rest of their lives. ill also have to move to somewhere with good public transport as i dont think ill be able to drive by myself. ive driven with the company of my father and for the first minutes im able to focus and go well but after those minutes i start losing focus and would probably crash if my dad wasnt there to remind me what i have to do. I also have this problem about having really irregular sleeping hours. since i was a toddler i was very energetic at night and slept trough the day. but an strategy ive planned is to sleep at 5 or 6 pm so i wake up at midnight and have time to get ready and not worry about getting late. Oh i forgot to mention that no noise can wake me up, i think that it makes it easier to sleep because it makes me tired. so the only way to wake me up is by shaking me. right now i have my mom to help me but i wont have her as an adult. i have not tested the previous strategy but i will test it on vacations. I will write the results in here after i get a consistent time of when i wake up. It also worries me that i might try to harm myself if everything gets too much and having someone live with me would give me a reason noy to do anything to myself as the person living with me would be into a lot of stress if i hurt myself. In general i do not trust myself to live alone. A lot of this might seem like im limiting myself but i think its just being aware of my limitations as ive had a lot of experiences where i thought i was ready to do something and was very confident about myself and then it turned out i wasnt ready at all so i think its better to be cautious.
Well todays entry might be the longest of the ones ive written! Have a good day, evening or night wherever you might be.
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